My family has really enjoyed season 6 of Queer Eye on Netflix. We have been inspired by the infectious positivity and kindness that hosts Karamo Brown (culture), Antoni Porowski (food and wine), Bobby Berk (design), Jonathan Van Ness (grooming), and Tan France (fashion) bring to every episode.
Part of the appeal of the show for me is the apparent authentic relationships between the hosts and the nominees receiving makeovers. For example, a moment when Karamo Brown drives a nominee to another location provides an intimate venue for realistic dialogue that reinforces a genuine connection being made and that Brown cares about the person.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how the hosts apply excellent consultation skills to reinforce authentic connection with the nominees and achieve successful outcomes. For example, after a period of discovery, they recommend a high-level objective for the client. They frequently check-in on progress and how the client is feeling about the process. They continually manage expectations about how changes in diet, behavior, or grooming can improve someone’s life. In particular, the hosts are excellent listeners. Through this lens, every episode Queer Eye is full of helpful reminders for how to improve my own work with colleagues and customers.
It makes sense that the hosts of Queer Eye would demonstrate exceptional consultation skills. Most (if not all) run their own businesses. For example, Bobby Berk leads a sought-after design consulting firm, independent from the show. Tan France had a successful career as a business owner prior to a presenter on television. The others are similarly accomplished in their own right. Each appears to have found that success in part based on strong relationship management skills.
One moment that particularly impressed me occurred with Jonathan Van Ness in the first episode of the season. Jonathan is frequently involved in consultations that include highly vulnerable moments with the nominees. This is likely due in part to the nature of personal grooming and the close confines of the bathrooms where some of his consultations take place, but also because of his ability to listen and really see his clients.
In the first episode, entitled “Showdown at the Broken Spoke,” the nominee is honky-tonk dance instructor named Terri. During Jonathan’s consultation with her, we learn Terri is extremely self conscious about her natural hair, which she apparently augments with a wig, weave, or other hair extension. Consistent with the Fab 5’s efforts to help Terri be her authentic self, Jonathan asks to examine her real hair to make a plan to style it. But Terri adamantly refuses. Terri says, “It’s ugly.” “You are not ugly,” reassures Jonathan. After gently reminder Terri of his expertise, Jonathan instead styles the extension as it is instead of pushing Terri further. In the end, what’s most important is to listen, build connection, and help his client have a positive experience.
In the end, Jonathan stands by his recommendation that Terri grow out her natural hair and leaves a follicle stimulator for her to use when she’s ready. Later, when the Queer Eye crew revisits Terri, after what has been a very difficult year for her and her family, they find she is more comfortable in her own skin. She ultimately took Jonathan’s advice and is showing her natural hair.
When you have an area of expertise and someone comes to your for help, it can be frustrating when they reject your advice. But what I am reminded of when watching Queer Eye or other talented consultants in action is that truly listening and providing space for a client to fully process advice, can lead to better outcomes, including a higher level of trust.
Ben Irwin 